The presence of women as both spectators and participants in the gladiatorial games (munera) signified the burgeoning coexistence of sensuality and brutality in the Roman psyche. On the cusp of the imperial period, Rome stood as a monument to its dichotomous social order. Class conflict marred the political landscape, and Augustus (63 B.C. to 14 A.D.) manipulated these tensions among plebeians and patricians to consolidate power. He ensured his reign through the gradual diminution of the senate’s authority and used propaganda to garner public support. His infamous “bread and circuses” (Juvenal 10.77-81) catered to a psychological conflict, one no less pervasive than that of class, but one that existed solely in the collective consciousness: the demand for explicit violence and sexuality, and the competing need to repress these baser urges. Though elusive, this conflict is indicated by the lowered status of women, particularly those from aristocratic families, in relation to the munera. The emergence of female gladiators, and the placement of female spectators in seats farthest from the stage, thereby signaled the dilution of the concept of dignitas and the decadence of moral virtue in the early Roman Empire.
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What: I’m confused as to what your thesis is exactly
Where: Throughout
Why: There are a number of different ideas thrown into the mix in this paragraph. The opening sentence alone could be a thesis but so could the section on catering to a psychological conflict and the final sentence could be as well.
What: I am annoyed
Where: By the 2nd sentence
Why: Because it’s entire purpose is to allow the end of the final sentence “and the decadence of moral virtue in the early Roman Empire” to carry weight, but that stretch is already redundant because it is implied in “the dilution of the concept of dignitas” that before this point dignitas was undiluted or upheld strictly; such a dilution wouldn’t really be possible/noteworthy otherwise
What: I feel I should make a suggestion
Where: “On the cusp of the imperial period… virtue in the early Roman Empire.”
Why: The amount of background given here is a bit much without knowledge of the era and it’s not super relevant. Just keep it real and tell the reader what the situation was at the point int time you’re going to be discussing. They’ll accept it for now and the background can be inserted as needed to support your more detailed points later in the paper. Here it just muddies it up (at least to me) and also leaves me kind of unsure about what time period you’re writing about (I’m not sure if you’re focusing on the rein of Augustus or looking at his successors and development during that period).