James Hamilton
Violence in the Bible
“In the contemporary world we are familiar with images of the kingdom of God that are in large part drawn from the Bible…[those who are religious] often think of the kingdom of God as a place or state of beauty, happiness, and profound personal fulfillment” [i]. An in-depth analysis of the works of the Bible provides countless examples that prove contrary to the modern idealized view of the kingdom of God. The kingdom of God, as written in the Bible, could be a place of extreme cruelty and violence (for the purpose of this paper, the words ‘violence’ and ‘combat’ are to be read as synonyms). The Bible offers episodes of violence originating both with God and with humans. This fact carries an extreme significance because one of God’s commandments was, in fact, “You shall not murder”[ii], which is directly in contradiction with the murderous actions of both God and his people. Readers of the Bible see the people of God acting, not as he says to, but how he, himself, acts, with violence. The commandments of God that refer to combat are inconsistent with the actions of God, and his people. The result is a Bible riddled with violence. Research will prove that this violence has two main roles in the Bible: as a method of personal gain and to act as punishment for a ‘sin’.
Hi James, the general impression I got was that your introduction improves as it goes on. From after your second quote, the intro becomes much clearer and more interesting.
1. I found your second sentence confusing. I think what you are saying is correct, but maybe just write it in clearer language
2. Maybe explain why violence and combat will be used interchangeably, since they are not synonyms
3. Your last two sentences could be combined with a comma, I just think that would read better but that’s a stylistic choice.
Good luck with your paper, it looks like it’s shaping up nicely, and sorry I commented on it so late but I just got back to school this morning on a red-eye.
Best,
Gabe G-L
1. I felt Confused in your second sentence due to odd wording and punctuation.
2. I felt excited at your last sentence because you set up your argument well and I am curious to see how you will prove this.
3. I felt bored reading your first sentence because I do not yet know what the paper is about and starting with that quote un-contextualized is a bit dry and confusing
In specific with my the second sentence, “examples that prove contrary to the modern idealized view of the kingdom of God” sounds strange to me. Maybe just remove the word “modern” and it reads better, and replace “kingdom of god” with “god’s kingdom”